Jungle
Left in Darkness

Left in Darkness

Movie
Studio(s): 
Director(s): 
Genre: 
On DVD: 
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Grade:
D
Running Time: 
88 minutes

Special Features: The Making of Left In Darkness featurette / Inside the Trenches – commentary with director Stephen Monroe and line producer John Duffy / My 21st birthday featurette.

I’ve seen bad characters make some stupid faces and ask retarded questions in my day, but the amply endowed Celia had me wondering if she had suffered some form of brain damage as the result of a problematic birth. She has the memory of a fish and the reasoning skills of a hot chick with huge breasts – that is, none. Trapped in a frat house themed purgatory that is past due on the electric bill, Celia must figure out how to make her brain work before her soul is lost. Bloogy nastoids (that’s “soul eaters” to you and me) run amok in the spooky college afterlife and they’re looking to chow down. She has to run from room to room in the Phi Delta Cadaver house (I am the master of all comedy) before the protection of the light bulb fades and its open season on her ass.

In the end, Celia has to make a deal with the devil’s sidekick so she can save her grandfather’s soul and escape. Of course the agreement goes sour and Satan’s intern tries to block their way to salvation. This would be fine if he were a real demon who doesn’t flinch when somebody waves too quickly at him, but not Pussboy the hellspawn. Somehow, Mr. I’m-the-shittiest-demon-ever gets jumped by 84 pounds of pure tit and a fraternity hazing paddle. With moments to spare, Celia and gramps make their daring escape up the hallowed ventilation shaft of destiny and exist happily ever after in a non-corporeal state. Awwwwwwww.

This film is a turd banquet complete with server-carried Hors D’oeuvre platters of bunny balls. The only reason you would ever want to see Left in Darkness is for Monica Keena’s life-affirming flesh melons

Review by Baron Aloha