Well, I had the misfortune of watching "Bitter Feast," a beautifully-shot, well-produced, POS film masquerading as an elitist horror flick.

At first, I was excited because Mario Batali is listed in the credits, but tragically (or thankfully, rather) he is in but mere minutes of this horrible thing and doesn't do much to further the plot except fire the sorry bastard responsible for the other three-quarters of this movie.(Mario, take your orange crocs and make a break for it!)

Peter Grey, the king of self-sustainable resources, stuck-up chef, and star of his own cooking show, has his show cancelled and restaurant career ruined in one fell swoop. Partly responsible for Chef's downfall is one food critic/blogger, JT Franks, who writes a particularly nasty review of his restaurant. In fact, he seems to write nasty reviews of almost all the restaurants he visits...a direct reflection of his unhappy life.

Not being a fan of how his life is being played out for him, Chef Grey decides to exact a "justified" revenge scenario on Mr. Franks. (A little just desserts...?  Lol. No, not really.) Chef kidnaps the douchebag and makes him suffer through some basic culinary challenges all the while taunting Mr. Franks by reading his bitter reviews back to him before each one takes place.  Ok,  a little humility is warranted for JT, so I get it.

Any who, there is some blood and jumpy parts and some "oh now I understand" backstory but, honestly, "Bitter Feast" is predictible and boring complete with a g--damn screaming girl.

I kind of wish all those other cooking "reality" shows were a little like "Bitter Feast." They might be a bit more interesting.

In truth, "Bitter Feast" is beautifully-shot. I wasn't making that crap up. The lighting and natural scenery are just gorgeous to see, but what you get in between all that is just stupid filler. I'm not sure if they employed an actual chef for the food close-ups, but from what I've seen on TV, the techniques seemed to be pretty accurate, but who really cares, right?

Is it  "Saw" or is it "Kitchen Nightmares, part 95?" PICK ONE ALREADY! This isn't the worst horror movie I've seen, but it's certainly not the best.

C-, Chef, C-.