"American Fetish" is either the worst film noir wannabe movie I have ever seen. Or it's the best attempt at trying to make the worst film ever. Either way, it's really terrible.

Chet tries to clear his father's name in a 50-year old double homicide when he finds a "blue movie" that ol' dad shot back in the 1950s. You see it contains the clues Chet needs to exonerate him. In the process, Chet finds himself immersed in a seedy fetish underworld surrounded by people who know things about the murder, but they aren't telling him what those are.

But really, who cares? This is a terrible, terrible movie.

The script is clumsy, and the delivery is worse. I'm guessing that 99% of the cast are friends of the director because no one who ever wants to work in film again would be in this movie. Another reviewer called director Michael Simmons "a gifted visual stylist," but I don't think Mr. Simmons needs to quit his day job anytime soon. The "fetish" scenes are so sterile and boring I found myself fast forwarding through most of them. Yes, yes we get it, she's tied up. Yawn.

Take my word for it and watch "Real Sex" on HBO instead if you want to see real fetishism.